Happy Monday Everyone!
Today we will be taking a look at the life and DRAMA of the Jersey Shore cast, the toll it is taking on America, and whether or not we should have this show forever banned and the cast sent to a remote island to live out the rest of their orange pointless lives.
Please don't get me wrong. I watch this show. At one point I might have even gone to the gym to sit on the bike to watch it because I didn't have cable and I JUST COULDN'T MISS IT!
On the other hand now that I am at the grown-up age of 21 years. I feel like this show might be ruining our youth. ;)
Lets go through each cast member and list the issues at hand.
Snookie (of course we will start with the most damaged and popular)
1. Obvious drinking problem!
2. I was so excited to see a thick girl on the first season. finally!!! Unfortunately half way through the season she told us about her eating disorder and as you can see the media has helped her keep that one going. UGH!
3. Snookie Doesn't respect herself- BAD IMAGE FOR YOUNG GIRLS!
This isn't snookie- Just someone inspired to look and act like she does. SEE THE PROBLEM?
RON
1. There is something involving chemicals meant for cattle here. This guy is so juiced up he can't hold his arms by his side anymore. This isn't attractive! If however you are attracted to this gentleman, you my friend have been fooled by the MTV network. RUN NOW while you still have a brain of your own.
2. He is abusive towards women. YEAH GUYS lets show our youth that they need to get all jacked up on steroids and beat their girl friends.
Which brings us to SAMMY- Sweetheart
1. Come on now Sam. You have been pushed around by this big douche for long enough. Stop following him around the club trying to talk to him... DON'T ANGER THE BEAST!
2. You are a genuinely pretty girl. Why on earth are you not trying to go to school, get a job, marry a man who isn't orange?
Example of Orange People.
DJ- Pauly D
Mike- The Situation
1. First off wtf does any situation have to do with your six pack? Yeah it was funny the first couple times you said it on the FIRST EPISODE! We all thought you were kidding though. we didn't really think you walked around showing everyone your abs and screaming "the situation" like you have turrets syndrome.
2. You are a HUGE douche. I can tell you one thing. If I had cameras following me around everywhere I would at least try to act cooler. You are an actor. I hope MTV pays you extra to beat your own head into a wall and look like an idiot all the time.
3. Yes you are such a douche that you get a third bullet point. CONGRATS BUD!
Not only has MTV fallen for your shit but big names all across America are buying in to your bull. Dancing with the stars, workout videos, underwear ads, even Abercrombie and Fitch.
THIS GUY IS BAD FOR AMERICA- he is making our children stupid.... and orange.
J-WOW
1. Okay I must admit Jwow has cleaned up her act a little bit since the first season. Maybe she has real parents or a grandparent who watches the show or something, or maybe she just realizes that one day when this show is on NICK AT NIGHT and her little orange children are watching she doesn't want them to see that everyone in America has seen the vagina or CUCA (guido term for lady parts) that the they came out of.
2. Jwow keep up the good work. keep that thing covered and thank you for showing us there is hope for you orange people.
PS. Nice nose or chin job. Can't really figure out which it is.
DEENA
1. Where the hell did MTV find your ass? where did you come from. You have to be bad for ratings.
2. You are a complete hott mess. That is all
Finally- VINNY
1. I have nothing mean so say about this guy. He is cute. As long as he is a part of this horrible television disaster I will be watching.
Hope you enjoy folks.
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