Christmas Letters- Shoot me in the head.

As you may know Christmas is right around the corner. For most of us this means we will be Christmas shopping, scraping together every extra penny we have, and hoping someone doesn't get pissed because we could only afford to make cookies for everyone as presents. But there is a select few in the world who don't have to worry about those things. When this time of year comes they have their pad and pen handy and they are ready to put together their annual Christmas letter. I HAVE A HUGE PROBLEM WITH THESE LETTERS. These letters are just another way for people who are stuck on themselves to put the rest of us in our place. I mean why not just get a facebook and we could see what you are doing a little bit at a time. It's like an atom bomb of PERFECT when we get your letter in the mail. I'm sure if we really know you and care about you at all, we already know what has happened in your life.

I even read one of these letters where the lady who wrote it pretended that the letter was written by SANTA about her and her wonderful family. That right there shows she is ashamed to let everyone know she is so self absorbed that she writes a full page every year about how great her life is.

I mean I could could write one of these letters and send it out if I wanted to... I think it would go something like this:

Dear Family & Friends,

Well this year has been a doozie. It started off great and took and trip south very quickly. Unfortunately that is the only trip me and the husband have taken this year because we are so broke we can't leave the city. Allen and I finally tied the knot after five long years of dating. Yes it was a joyful occasion. There is nothing like an outdoor wedding after a torrential rain storm. For all of those who made it to the wedding, we are sorry if your shoes or clothes were ruined by the sopping wet grass.
    Allen and I also bought a house this year. I guess it kinda goes along with getting married huh?  With all of the bullshit advice all you people have given us in the past twenty years you would think one of you would have told us never to buy a house in a subdivision. Not only do all of our neighbors hate us because we are under the age of 65, but they go out of their way to find things to call the association about. You would think older folks would love to see a young couple moving up in the world and doing good, but no. They are all mad because the houses they bought five years ago are worth half now and they live next to two punk kids who fight about everything from who's going to walk the dog, to who drank the last beer. I think they might be warming up to us. ;)
   Allen's job is going great and we hope and pray he can keep it because I quit my job like an idiot to go work for my wonderful, loving mother, and my awesome step-dad. Unfortunate for our checkbook that only lasted two months. So if any of you know of a job opening please write back.
      The rest of the year has been fun-filled. Mom got married for the fourth time, Dad finally found a real job, and little cousin Jon Jon got stabbed four times.

Merry Christmas and GOD BLESS

Sincerely,
BADASSHOUSEWIFE

If any of you reading this write one of these letters every year. Please do not be offended. Opinions are like assholes, everyone has one or knows someone who has one.